I just need a place to write down my thoughts.

..I don't know why I'm writing all these, my thoughts don't seem coherent.

 I don't even remember what a day, a happy day, feels like.
The past is too heavy to be carried.
Too many memories. A laughter. A gift. A promise. A joke.
The way we thought that everything would be possible, that we were young, uncrackable, infinite, strong, gods. But we are nothing. We're just butterflies, caught up in the strength of a wind, a wind stronger than our weak wings. We're birds without wings...

  I didn't move on with life after so long. All of you did.

Then the new people I've met started blaming me for being upset, being sad. I didn't want to. So stop asking. It isn't easy trying to come out of this shit hole. If it ever is, I'm out long ago. Why the fuck do you think I'm still stuck here?!

Yeah sure it sounded easy. It really does sound like option to get out. But both options in front of me were the same, it's the same route to go. When it's time to be happy, I'm always smiling. Didn't I? When people share with me fond memories, didn't I laugh for you, weren't I here to listen?

So don't force me to be somebody I am not. To be somebody happy? It's ridiculous because I know I'm not.